Second thoughts

Tonight there is a support group meeting for Alpha-1 folks at OHSU. Usually Dr. B is there, or his NP, and sometimes (like tonight) a guest speaker comes. I was informed of this get-together by an Alpha-1 coordinator and told that I should go. At first I was all excited! I thought that this would be a great way to meet not only other A1AD people, but also Dr. B or Lynn and maybe get in to see him sooner because of this. I planned to write up a small list of questions and ask the most pertinent ones as well. I wanted Ryan to go w/me but I knew that was not going to happen given there's no one to watch the kiddos. As the days drew closer I started to get nervous. Not only would I have to find my way to OHSU again, and figure out where the meeting location was, but I was going to be in a room full (?) of A1AD patients who are most likely having severe lung issues. They may or may not be SZ's, ZZ's, Null/Null, and/or on O2, in need of a lung transplant, or already had a lung transplant. That doesn't bother me. What does bother me, and thus has made me severely hesitant to go, is my current phenotype status. Being an MZ can bring skepticism from some. Many doctors still think a person w/the MZ phenotype cannot have lung or liver issues. Unfortunately that is not the case. There are many, many MZ's out there who have already had transplants, are on the waiting list, or are just starting their journey. However, due to some attitudes in the medical profession this has leaked over into the patient area. I recently was "friended" on MySpace by a seemingly nice mom whose young daughter is having liver issues due to A1AD. We had a couple of back and forth emails about liver problems and the question as to what phenotype I was come up. So I answered her. She responded with, "Oh, you're only an MZ?"--and then I never heard from her again. I'm guessing somewhere along the way she has heard that MZ's are ONLY carriers and NEVER get sick. Or maybe she thought she responded to the email but didn't. Funny how having something so small as one normal gene can change an entire perspective.

So here I am having all but completely talked myself out of going and yet wishing I'd just get the nerve up to go anyways. If I knew for a fact that I had lung issues related to A1AD there would be no hesitation. I'd go. But right now I just have symptoms of the disease and an MZ phenotype. Part of me feels like I would almost be intruding into this support group w/out a firm diagnosis. The other part of me says that's silly and maybe I'd meet some really great people and learn a lot. I still have time to decide. The meeting is at 7 p.m. I'll update later as to if I go or not.