Lately I have this thing where I get a date in my head and it gets stuck. I convince myself that an appointment I have scheduled (for instance) is on "xyz" date...even when it isn't. I can't tell you how annoying this is. I did this with my appt. for Dr. B (the Alpha-1 pulmo). I was certain it was on Feb. 4th, but when his office called two weeks ago to request that I send them some more info, I asked when my appt. was just to be sure. Feb. 1st...8:40 a.m. Whew, good thing I asked! So I put it into my Thunderbird mail calendar thingamabob and added a reminder to it. Days passed, new stuff cropped up, and I slipped back into thinking the appt. was on the 4th. When I didn't get a reminder phone call for Fri. I thought nothing of it. Friday came and went (with a phone call from Dr. S...more on that later), Saturday was half over and I started questioning when I was supposed to see Dr. B. I pulled up the calendar and there was nothing listed for the 4th...or the 1st...or anywhere for that matter. Everything was GONE. I went into the living room and asked Ryan to check the calendar on the laptop and sure enough, there was nothing listed. After some checking it appeared as if a software glitch ate all of our entries, including my appointment w/Dr. B which was (obviously) on the 1st, not the 4th. I cried. I had been waiting for this appt. for over 4 months and because of a glitch, both from the computer and from the clinic not calling to remind me, I missed it. Don't get me wrong, I should have written it down as well. Lesson learned.
Today I called and explained what had happened. The receptionist was extremely kind and did her best. She got ahold of Dr. B and asked if he would come into the clinic for an extra appt., yet he wouldn't. He's also booked out until May. Yep...May. So I'll be waiting forever once again. I'm on the cancellation list just in case, although Dr. B is rarely in clinic so I doubt anyone else will be as stupid as me and not show up. Needless to say I am tattooing the date for this appt. on my forehead instead of trusting my computer. Sigh...
One good thing did take place on Fri., though. Dr. S called me back after I left another message for her and we went over the recent findings. She spoke with a bone specialist/radiologist (something like that) again regarding my SI joints. He told her that what I have is degenerative, not related to the cysts/lesions in my pelvis, maybe caused by childbirth (??), and that he wants to see my MRI from last year. I told her I'd have them send it up so he can look it over and we'll go from there I guess. Dr. S also put in an order for me to schedule an u/s for my liver, spleen, veins, et al--which I did today and will be going under the Doppler this Thurs. In addition to all of that I got a referral back to the gastro docs. I specifically requested NOT to see Dr. N again, however. When I called the gasto folks today to get scheduled they put me in w/Dr. Z who I was originally supposed to see way back when. But...like Dr. B, Dr. Z is a busy man. So busy in fact that his earliest appt. is in JUNE! Once again I was put on the cancellation list and the gal I spoke with said she would also speak to the doctor to see if he can get me in earlier. If not I'm seeing someone else. Both Dr. S and the doc I saw at the Immediate Care clinic were quite adamant I be seen a.s.a.p. The person I talked to said they hadn't received a referral from Dr. S yet, so maybe when she sends it that will speed things along. I'm also going to pick up my records from the Immediate Care place and send them on to Dr. Z so that he knows what's going on. Fingers crossed that I can see him by next week.
The pain on the left side (spleen) isn't as bad as it was the weekend before last, or maybe I'm getting used to it, but it's still pretty painful. My right side (liver) is really uncomfortable. I'm still battling the nausea and fatigue. Fatigue is better, nausea is too, yet they're there. I think I've lost weight, though...bonus!
Lung-wise my Peak Flow Meter readings are holding around 350-400. I'm no longer feeling the effects of the corticosteroids from the Advair, thankfully. I go back to Dr. J (the pulmo) in another week or so. More updates when that happens.
More petechiae have appeared on my arms and now on my legs. Dr. S was at a loss as to why they are showing up when my platelets are okay. Who knows with me! :o/ I'm just glad I didn't need a transfusion...knock on wood.
Showing posts with label Alpha-1 Antitrypsin Deficiency. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Alpha-1 Antitrypsin Deficiency. Show all posts
Monday, February 4, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Passed? Failed?
The first Lung Function test I had was easy peasy. Basically I had to breathe into a plastic cylinder hooked up to a big machine several times, sometimes normal breathing, sometimes blowing out hard and fast, sometimes sealed in a chamber, sometimes sitting outside of it. There was no albuterol, nor other drugs to affect my breathing so I didn't have to worry about being turned into a shaking pile of Jell-O after the fact. The tech was very sweet. We chatted about kids, marriage, mothers, and everything in between. When the test was over it seemed like I didn't have COPD or emphysema--which is awesome--but I guess we'll see. I grabbed a salad from the hospital's cafe. And man, I hate eating alone. Like really abhor it. It's not so bad when I have something to read, but when I don't and I have to just sit there staring at my food, or the table, or the wall...well, I get lonely. So I inhaled the surprisingly tasty chicken and greens then found a comfy couch to hang out on and played my DS while I waited for my next appt. Yeah, I have a DS. A pink one. I played Sudoku...love that game.
Next up was the chest CT. Also took no time at all especially since I wasn't given any contrast.
The following week I went back for the Methacholine Challenge test. I still find it fascinating that they can introduce a chemical into your lungs that restricts the airways. Just crazy to me. We started off doing a baseline. I was below what I had been the week before and had noticed that I had felt tight in my chest that day--made sense. Then she gave me a dose of the methacholine. Re-checked my breathing, another dose, etc. and so forth. After the fourth dose and breathing check I was given albuterol to open me back up. Although it lifted the extra tightness and heaviness and allowed me to breathe easier, it still didn't make me feel like, "FINALLY...I can truly BREATHE again!!" Just brought me back to what I had been before we started the test. Bummer. I think I have reactive airway disease--asthma--but we'll see what the doc says tomorrow.
Thus far I have taken three doses of the mega Vitamin D and continue to feel some improvement, yet still having bone pain. I seem to be able to stave off taking the Roxicet until later in the afternoon, though. Although some days I wake up in pain and that's never fun. Grin and bear it, baby!
I'll report back after the visit w/Dr. J tomorrow. He did have my Alpha-1 levels and liver enzymes rechecked as well so we'll see what those show. As a side note I received the results from the MUSC study regarding my phenotype re-test. I am still an MZ with a level of 18 uM. My dad is an MM so looks like the Z gene came from my mom's side of the family. We are now going to have my husband tested to see what his A1 status is and then probably wait until the children are older before we have them tested. I'm sure Ryan is an MM which means the kids will either be MM or MZ. It would be really, really awesome if they were both MM. Truly.
Next up was the chest CT. Also took no time at all especially since I wasn't given any contrast.
The following week I went back for the Methacholine Challenge test. I still find it fascinating that they can introduce a chemical into your lungs that restricts the airways. Just crazy to me. We started off doing a baseline. I was below what I had been the week before and had noticed that I had felt tight in my chest that day--made sense. Then she gave me a dose of the methacholine. Re-checked my breathing, another dose, etc. and so forth. After the fourth dose and breathing check I was given albuterol to open me back up. Although it lifted the extra tightness and heaviness and allowed me to breathe easier, it still didn't make me feel like, "FINALLY...I can truly BREATHE again!!" Just brought me back to what I had been before we started the test. Bummer. I think I have reactive airway disease--asthma--but we'll see what the doc says tomorrow.
Thus far I have taken three doses of the mega Vitamin D and continue to feel some improvement, yet still having bone pain. I seem to be able to stave off taking the Roxicet until later in the afternoon, though. Although some days I wake up in pain and that's never fun. Grin and bear it, baby!
I'll report back after the visit w/Dr. J tomorrow. He did have my Alpha-1 levels and liver enzymes rechecked as well so we'll see what those show. As a side note I received the results from the MUSC study regarding my phenotype re-test. I am still an MZ with a level of 18 uM. My dad is an MM so looks like the Z gene came from my mom's side of the family. We are now going to have my husband tested to see what his A1 status is and then probably wait until the children are older before we have them tested. I'm sure Ryan is an MM which means the kids will either be MM or MZ. It would be really, really awesome if they were both MM. Truly.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
GI Specialists Strike Two
Last week I called Dr. N at OHSU to discuss my prognosis and ask a couple of questions. I was a tad concerned given the articles I had been reading about NASH seemed to suggest that I had a 1 in 5 chance of developing cirrhosis in 5-10 yrs. While I understand that no one knows how this will all play out, and/or if it will turn to cirrhosis for sure, I was curious to see what Dr. N thought based off of things thus far.
The phone conversation started off nicely enough. I told him that I wanted to know what he thought my prognosis was and he said that typically "this" (re: NASH) takes decades to progress to cirrhosis. For him he was more concerned about the possibility of me developing Diabetes. (As an aside here--I don't understand why he thinks I am Insulin Resistant given he said they NEVER see it coincide with Hypoglycemia. I explained that I was diagnosed as Hypoglycemic when I was younger, yet that seemed to go in one ear and out the other.) I told him about the article I had been emailed regarding MZ Alphas having their NASH exacerbated due to their MZ status...bad idea. After that things quickly deteriorated. From our first meeting Dr. N had seemed put off and very skeptical about the Alpha-1 support lists that I belong to. When I had mentioned some of the information I had learned about Alpha-1 regarding MZ Alphas and liver transplants, he asked where I had found "these people." As if it never occurred to him that there are such lists and groups in existence. I thought that was beyond odd but was willing to overlook it so long as he showed he had an open mind and was willing to even listen to what I had to say--even if it came from my "imaginary friends." (insert rolling eye icon here, please)
Somehow the topic of my liver hurting came up. Despite him telling me in the face-to-face appt. about the bag surrounding the liver, how it's typical for it to hurt as the liver enlarges, and whatnot, he backtracked. Said that he didn't think my upper right quadrant pain was from my liver. Dr. N said he thought I had Fibromyalgia. I'm sorry...I had no idea he was a rheumatologist as well! I then informed him that I had already been tested for, and cleared of, Fibromyalgia. In fact, my rheumy, and two orthos were quite confident that I have spondylarthropy--possibly Ankylosing Spondylitis. Then Dr. N did the typical arrogant, white coat, asshole thing to do. He pulled the rug out from underneath me despite not having ANY of my lab tests, chart notes, doctor's reports, etc. He told me that he wanted to "be real honest" with me...that I had "a lot going on--5 things, in fact" and that he didn't think I had any of them.
Spondylarthropy? No way.
Bile salt diarrhea from having my gall bladder removed? Absolutely not. (nevermind that the medicine I'm on for it ONLY works if you have bile salt diarrhea--otherwise it does nothing)
Alpha-1 Antitrypsin Deficiency? I don't have it!
(Not sure what the other two things are, but I guess I don't have those either)
So like...I'm all cured then, right? I mean, if I don't have any of those things then there is absofuckinglutely nothing wrong with me! SWEET! I can stop taking the Questran, stop taking the Percocet for the pain, and just go back to being normal. He's a freaking GENIUS!!
Needless to say, when I hung up the phone I was in tears. This man made me feel like I was the biggest freakin' idiot on the planet. He made diagnoses and took other already made diagnoses away from me without having the first shred of evidence to back any of it up. The only medical records he had available were my Alpha-1 results, my liver biopsy, and some of my liver enzyme tests. That's it. No CT's, no xrays, no specific bloodwork, nothing that points to what the doctor's I've already seen say. Doctor's that are HIGHLY respected in their fields. What is that saying? When we ASSume things we make an ASS out of U and ME. Yeah...he made an ass out of himself and an ass out of me. I was an ass to think this doctor had the desire to truly get to the bottom of things and to give me good care. Dr. N made an ass out of himself by just being an ass.
I am once again looking for a competent, liver specialist, that will not treat me like I'm an idiot, nor a piece of shit. Someone that actually knows of which they speak. A doctor that will LOOK at ALL of my medical records and hell, maybe even CONVERSE with the doctors I've seen, and then make the diagnosis. I have no problems accepting that I don't have A1AD liver disease--at least not at this point in time. But obviously something is going on and that needs to be watched. And please do not tell me that I don't have stomach issues thanks to the missing gall bladder. Believe me, I have tried to stop that nasty, gritty medicine with a positive "I no longer need this!!" frame of mind many times to no avail. I would love, love, love to not have to rely on any medicine...especially this one...but the medicine does its job because my body obviously needs it. And please stop telling me I do not have Alpha-1. From everything I have read and been told, if your Alpha-1 levels are routinely low, and you have at least one deficient gene, then you are considered A1AD. I DO have A1AD. If you tell me I don't I will instantly know you are not the doctor for me. It does not matter if my liver is not affected by it, or if my lungs are still fine. Alpha-1 is a part of my health regardless of if it's affecting me at this time or not. One more thing...if you are a GASTROENTEROLOGIST then please keep the diagnoses to your specialty. Leave the rheumotological stuff to the rheumatologists. Thank you.
The phone conversation started off nicely enough. I told him that I wanted to know what he thought my prognosis was and he said that typically "this" (re: NASH) takes decades to progress to cirrhosis. For him he was more concerned about the possibility of me developing Diabetes. (As an aside here--I don't understand why he thinks I am Insulin Resistant given he said they NEVER see it coincide with Hypoglycemia. I explained that I was diagnosed as Hypoglycemic when I was younger, yet that seemed to go in one ear and out the other.) I told him about the article I had been emailed regarding MZ Alphas having their NASH exacerbated due to their MZ status...bad idea. After that things quickly deteriorated. From our first meeting Dr. N had seemed put off and very skeptical about the Alpha-1 support lists that I belong to. When I had mentioned some of the information I had learned about Alpha-1 regarding MZ Alphas and liver transplants, he asked where I had found "these people." As if it never occurred to him that there are such lists and groups in existence. I thought that was beyond odd but was willing to overlook it so long as he showed he had an open mind and was willing to even listen to what I had to say--even if it came from my "imaginary friends." (insert rolling eye icon here, please)
Somehow the topic of my liver hurting came up. Despite him telling me in the face-to-face appt. about the bag surrounding the liver, how it's typical for it to hurt as the liver enlarges, and whatnot, he backtracked. Said that he didn't think my upper right quadrant pain was from my liver. Dr. N said he thought I had Fibromyalgia. I'm sorry...I had no idea he was a rheumatologist as well! I then informed him that I had already been tested for, and cleared of, Fibromyalgia. In fact, my rheumy, and two orthos were quite confident that I have spondylarthropy--possibly Ankylosing Spondylitis. Then Dr. N did the typical arrogant, white coat, asshole thing to do. He pulled the rug out from underneath me despite not having ANY of my lab tests, chart notes, doctor's reports, etc. He told me that he wanted to "be real honest" with me...that I had "a lot going on--5 things, in fact" and that he didn't think I had any of them.
Spondylarthropy? No way.
Bile salt diarrhea from having my gall bladder removed? Absolutely not. (nevermind that the medicine I'm on for it ONLY works if you have bile salt diarrhea--otherwise it does nothing)
Alpha-1 Antitrypsin Deficiency? I don't have it!
(Not sure what the other two things are, but I guess I don't have those either)
So like...I'm all cured then, right? I mean, if I don't have any of those things then there is absofuckinglutely nothing wrong with me! SWEET! I can stop taking the Questran, stop taking the Percocet for the pain, and just go back to being normal. He's a freaking GENIUS!!
Needless to say, when I hung up the phone I was in tears. This man made me feel like I was the biggest freakin' idiot on the planet. He made diagnoses and took other already made diagnoses away from me without having the first shred of evidence to back any of it up. The only medical records he had available were my Alpha-1 results, my liver biopsy, and some of my liver enzyme tests. That's it. No CT's, no xrays, no specific bloodwork, nothing that points to what the doctor's I've already seen say. Doctor's that are HIGHLY respected in their fields. What is that saying? When we ASSume things we make an ASS out of U and ME. Yeah...he made an ass out of himself and an ass out of me. I was an ass to think this doctor had the desire to truly get to the bottom of things and to give me good care. Dr. N made an ass out of himself by just being an ass.
I am once again looking for a competent, liver specialist, that will not treat me like I'm an idiot, nor a piece of shit. Someone that actually knows of which they speak. A doctor that will LOOK at ALL of my medical records and hell, maybe even CONVERSE with the doctors I've seen, and then make the diagnosis. I have no problems accepting that I don't have A1AD liver disease--at least not at this point in time. But obviously something is going on and that needs to be watched. And please do not tell me that I don't have stomach issues thanks to the missing gall bladder. Believe me, I have tried to stop that nasty, gritty medicine with a positive "I no longer need this!!" frame of mind many times to no avail. I would love, love, love to not have to rely on any medicine...especially this one...but the medicine does its job because my body obviously needs it. And please stop telling me I do not have Alpha-1. From everything I have read and been told, if your Alpha-1 levels are routinely low, and you have at least one deficient gene, then you are considered A1AD. I DO have A1AD. If you tell me I don't I will instantly know you are not the doctor for me. It does not matter if my liver is not affected by it, or if my lungs are still fine. Alpha-1 is a part of my health regardless of if it's affecting me at this time or not. One more thing...if you are a GASTROENTEROLOGIST then please keep the diagnoses to your specialty. Leave the rheumotological stuff to the rheumatologists. Thank you.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Second thoughts
Tonight there is a support group meeting for Alpha-1 folks at OHSU. Usually Dr. B is there, or his NP, and sometimes (like tonight) a guest speaker comes. I was informed of this get-together by an Alpha-1 coordinator and told that I should go. At first I was all excited! I thought that this would be a great way to meet not only other A1AD people, but also Dr. B or Lynn and maybe get in to see him sooner because of this. I planned to write up a small list of questions and ask the most pertinent ones as well. I wanted Ryan to go w/me but I knew that was not going to happen given there's no one to watch the kiddos. As the days drew closer I started to get nervous. Not only would I have to find my way to OHSU again, and figure out where the meeting location was, but I was going to be in a room full (?) of A1AD patients who are most likely having severe lung issues. They may or may not be SZ's, ZZ's, Null/Null, and/or on O2, in need of a lung transplant, or already had a lung transplant. That doesn't bother me. What does bother me, and thus has made me severely hesitant to go, is my current phenotype status. Being an MZ can bring skepticism from some. Many doctors still think a person w/the MZ phenotype cannot have lung or liver issues. Unfortunately that is not the case. There are many, many MZ's out there who have already had transplants, are on the waiting list, or are just starting their journey. However, due to some attitudes in the medical profession this has leaked over into the patient area. I recently was "friended" on MySpace by a seemingly nice mom whose young daughter is having liver issues due to A1AD. We had a couple of back and forth emails about liver problems and the question as to what phenotype I was come up. So I answered her. She responded with, "Oh, you're only an MZ?"--and then I never heard from her again. I'm guessing somewhere along the way she has heard that MZ's are ONLY carriers and NEVER get sick. Or maybe she thought she responded to the email but didn't. Funny how having something so small as one normal gene can change an entire perspective.
So here I am having all but completely talked myself out of going and yet wishing I'd just get the nerve up to go anyways. If I knew for a fact that I had lung issues related to A1AD there would be no hesitation. I'd go. But right now I just have symptoms of the disease and an MZ phenotype. Part of me feels like I would almost be intruding into this support group w/out a firm diagnosis. The other part of me says that's silly and maybe I'd meet some really great people and learn a lot. I still have time to decide. The meeting is at 7 p.m. I'll update later as to if I go or not.
So here I am having all but completely talked myself out of going and yet wishing I'd just get the nerve up to go anyways. If I knew for a fact that I had lung issues related to A1AD there would be no hesitation. I'd go. But right now I just have symptoms of the disease and an MZ phenotype. Part of me feels like I would almost be intruding into this support group w/out a firm diagnosis. The other part of me says that's silly and maybe I'd meet some really great people and learn a lot. I still have time to decide. The meeting is at 7 p.m. I'll update later as to if I go or not.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Putting it into perspective
Let's be honest here. When I started this blog I never meant for anyone I knew to find it, let alone read it. Oh sure I knew strangers might stumble across it, yet I also figured that if they did it would be because they had typed something into their search engine that brought them to my site to begin with. Ergo it was quite possible that 1.) the things I am blogging about might actually inform them of something they may be struggling with, and/or 2.) may make said person realize they are not alone in whatever hidden illness battle they might be waging. But as time went by I had a few people wanting updates on me and given one of my friends had already found this blog (hey Beth, my fellow yarn hoor--what up?!!), I thought it couldn't hurt to share it with a select few. Now, I can count on one hand the number of people I've let into this inner circle of mine. Each time I give out the link to this blog I always feel a bit hesitant. This is a place that I consider very private. I am not one to bitch about my health as incessantly as I do here, especially not to my friends, but this is my one outlet to do so. Of course, if my friends ask me questions I will answer them, however I often don't get into a lot of detail and/or let them know what it's really like. There's no reason for this except that I don't want to bore anyone with the gory details nor make it seem like these illnesses are my life. Because they aren't. I have no qualms sharing with anyone certain aspects of what I have. To me, knowledge is power. By sharing I am potentially helping someone figure out why their ALT's and AST's are high. Or that lung problem that seems to run in their family? Maybe that's A1AD. The bone pain they're dealing with? I get it...I deal w/it too. So why would I not want everyone to know about this blog? Simple. I get that I come across here as if A1AD and arthritis are my LIFE. My ONLY life. And that couldn't be further from the truth. Yes, I have focused on it a lot (i.e. this blog) by researching, reading, seeing specialists, and going through the motions. Yet I am many other things than just a person with hidden illnesses. I am a wife. A mother. A dog owner. A friend. A knitter. A photographer. A website designer. A coffee lover. A cook. A lover of movies. A book reader. A writer. And the list can go on and on. I have three other blogs in addition to this one. I have a knitting blog, a photography blog, and my blog on my MySpace page. Each one shows a different facet of my life and yet none of them define who I truly am.
People who know me understand this. They know that while I may talk about my problems when they ask how things are going, that I am not all consumed by it. It is not who I am. It's just a part of who I am. Just as the other things I listed above make up the person that is me--A1AD, G6PD, Arthritis, etc. are all just pieces that help form a whole. The illnesses are nothing I can get rid of. Nothing I can ignore. Nothing I can truly change no matter what I do. They just simply...are. Believe me, I've tried. And at times I still try. I would love nothing more than to go back to my days of no pain, no bone crushing fatigue, no worrying about when my liver or lungs are going to fail me completely, no drugs, no nothing but good health. I can't count how many times I have pushed myself pretending to be something I no longer am and paid for it dearly. Yet I will always be that person. I will always do everything within my power to lead as normal of a life as I can. But with this I have learned that I can't do it all. That is not a bad thing. I have also learned that I have to prioritize my life. Again, this is good. As much as I loved my wedding & event decorating company when I bought it, I started to resent it towards the end. Working as hard as I did had serious consequences on my body and I had to admit this to myself, and let it go. We could've kept the business. We could've kept on, me pushing myself, Ryan and my dad working two jobs, the kids losing out on weekends, but we certainly COULD have kept doing it. I just didn't want to. And there was no point to it. So I let it go. I prioritized my life and put my family and my health first. These illnesses forced me to do it. There was no sticking my head in the sand and pretending they didn't exist. My body refused to allow that to happen. Instead of fighting it I decided to listen. That is not always easy. Not when listening means accepting that your life will never again be the way it was. Yet I have been here before. When I got pregnant...when I had my son...when I got married...when we had our daughter...moved to Oregon...and so forth. Each time my life changed, sometimes dramatically, and each change had it's own challenges and rewards. With them I grew wiser, stronger, and learned a lot. As crazy as it sounds, what I have gone through over the past two years has taught me quite a bit. It's forced me to be more patient, to be more understanding, and to take better care of myself. Conversely it has also taken away certain parts of myself that I loved, albeit took for granted, and made my question how I can continue to go through life in the shape I'm in now. It has made me feel alone. Very alone. Writing about it here as given me an outlet to get all the things I keep from people on the outside world out of my inner bottle. This blog allows me to look back and recall what symptoms I've had, when my last flare up was, if there is any common thread between flares, what drugs I've been on, and anything else that deals with the craziness that is my life. I do not share a lot of other things that go on in my life simply because I have never felt that this was the blog to do so in. Nor have I talked a lot about my health issues on my other blogs. It may come up at times, in small amounts, but to me my other blogs serve a different purpose. At times they cross, as is a given, yet each one serves it's created intention--for me to share whatever the blog is about with other people.
Last night I did the finger stick test for the Alpha-1 Phenotype test. Part of the paperwork had a long questionnaire regarding your feelings about health, tests, and whatnot. One of the questions had to do with preferring to know if you have this deficiency vs. not knowing. I, of course, prefer to know. It gives me a sense of control in an otherwise uncontrolled situation. I can learn about it, find doctors that actually know about it, and possibly prolong my liver and lungs longer than I could if I didn't know about it. By acknowledging it I am also agreeing to get in the drivers seat and take over. Sometimes I will be in the passenger seat...going along for the ride...but sometimes I'll be taking the lead and taking steps to better my health. Would I love to go along for the rest of my life and deny that I have A1AD or arthritis or any of my other weird disorders? Of course I would! Especially if it worked. Unfortunately it doesn't. So I will continue to share my journey and what I learn along the way on here despite my misgivings and thoughts of completely deleting this entire blog for fear of giving the wrong impression that I am allowing these things to control my life. The last thing I want readers to think is that I sit around all day and night feeling sorry for myself, not living my life, and ONLY thinking about my health. That couldn't be further from the truth. Despite being in constant pain and having a black cloud above my head (i.e. the fear that my liver will conk out at any given time), I am doing my best to keep pushing, keep battling, and enjoying what I have around me. I have good days and I have bad days. And although I talk about not much else than my health on this blog, rest assured that I am doing so for a reason! ;o)
People who know me understand this. They know that while I may talk about my problems when they ask how things are going, that I am not all consumed by it. It is not who I am. It's just a part of who I am. Just as the other things I listed above make up the person that is me--A1AD, G6PD, Arthritis, etc. are all just pieces that help form a whole. The illnesses are nothing I can get rid of. Nothing I can ignore. Nothing I can truly change no matter what I do. They just simply...are. Believe me, I've tried. And at times I still try. I would love nothing more than to go back to my days of no pain, no bone crushing fatigue, no worrying about when my liver or lungs are going to fail me completely, no drugs, no nothing but good health. I can't count how many times I have pushed myself pretending to be something I no longer am and paid for it dearly. Yet I will always be that person. I will always do everything within my power to lead as normal of a life as I can. But with this I have learned that I can't do it all. That is not a bad thing. I have also learned that I have to prioritize my life. Again, this is good. As much as I loved my wedding & event decorating company when I bought it, I started to resent it towards the end. Working as hard as I did had serious consequences on my body and I had to admit this to myself, and let it go. We could've kept the business. We could've kept on, me pushing myself, Ryan and my dad working two jobs, the kids losing out on weekends, but we certainly COULD have kept doing it. I just didn't want to. And there was no point to it. So I let it go. I prioritized my life and put my family and my health first. These illnesses forced me to do it. There was no sticking my head in the sand and pretending they didn't exist. My body refused to allow that to happen. Instead of fighting it I decided to listen. That is not always easy. Not when listening means accepting that your life will never again be the way it was. Yet I have been here before. When I got pregnant...when I had my son...when I got married...when we had our daughter...moved to Oregon...and so forth. Each time my life changed, sometimes dramatically, and each change had it's own challenges and rewards. With them I grew wiser, stronger, and learned a lot. As crazy as it sounds, what I have gone through over the past two years has taught me quite a bit. It's forced me to be more patient, to be more understanding, and to take better care of myself. Conversely it has also taken away certain parts of myself that I loved, albeit took for granted, and made my question how I can continue to go through life in the shape I'm in now. It has made me feel alone. Very alone. Writing about it here as given me an outlet to get all the things I keep from people on the outside world out of my inner bottle. This blog allows me to look back and recall what symptoms I've had, when my last flare up was, if there is any common thread between flares, what drugs I've been on, and anything else that deals with the craziness that is my life. I do not share a lot of other things that go on in my life simply because I have never felt that this was the blog to do so in. Nor have I talked a lot about my health issues on my other blogs. It may come up at times, in small amounts, but to me my other blogs serve a different purpose. At times they cross, as is a given, yet each one serves it's created intention--for me to share whatever the blog is about with other people.
Last night I did the finger stick test for the Alpha-1 Phenotype test. Part of the paperwork had a long questionnaire regarding your feelings about health, tests, and whatnot. One of the questions had to do with preferring to know if you have this deficiency vs. not knowing. I, of course, prefer to know. It gives me a sense of control in an otherwise uncontrolled situation. I can learn about it, find doctors that actually know about it, and possibly prolong my liver and lungs longer than I could if I didn't know about it. By acknowledging it I am also agreeing to get in the drivers seat and take over. Sometimes I will be in the passenger seat...going along for the ride...but sometimes I'll be taking the lead and taking steps to better my health. Would I love to go along for the rest of my life and deny that I have A1AD or arthritis or any of my other weird disorders? Of course I would! Especially if it worked. Unfortunately it doesn't. So I will continue to share my journey and what I learn along the way on here despite my misgivings and thoughts of completely deleting this entire blog for fear of giving the wrong impression that I am allowing these things to control my life. The last thing I want readers to think is that I sit around all day and night feeling sorry for myself, not living my life, and ONLY thinking about my health. That couldn't be further from the truth. Despite being in constant pain and having a black cloud above my head (i.e. the fear that my liver will conk out at any given time), I am doing my best to keep pushing, keep battling, and enjoying what I have around me. I have good days and I have bad days. And although I talk about not much else than my health on this blog, rest assured that I am doing so for a reason! ;o)
Sunday, July 15, 2007
We are family?
Given the genetic nature of Alpha-1 Antitrypsin Deficiency, I figured it would be wise to let my mom's side of the family know about it so that they could get tested if they so desired. The thing is, I haven't spoken to my mother in almost 3 yrs. Because of this, her sisters--my aunts--are not my biggest fans. A couple of them still talk to me (as in if I called one of them they wouldn't hang up on me, but we're not chatting or anything), send me Christmas cards, and stay pretty neutral. Two others (and three of my cousins) think I am one of the worst human beings on the planet. Now, I get that they have only heard my mom's side of the story and I'm sure it's dramatic and fraught with lies and how I'm just "killing" her. Thing is, all through my childhood she made it well known to me that I was in her way of being happy. If it wasn't for me she could find a good man--all the ones she dated (and two of the ones she married) didn't like kids. She was verbally and physically abusive although it wasn't horrendous. I wasn't locked in a closet and forced to drink my own urine. It wasn't nice though. Still, I did everything I could to win her approval and make her happy. One day I finally realized that it didn't matter what I did...she would never be happy. Not for herself and definitely not for me. The woman reveled in making me feel like shit. I got tired of it. Knowing her demeanor and penchant for drama I knew that trying to explain this to her like a normal human being would only result in her flying off the deep end and lots of angry words being said. I had tried once before when she came out for a visit. She ended up staying at a motel the night before she left, instead of at my dad's where she had been staying, throwing a big fit, and telling my aunts how awful I was.
That's my mom. I don't expect her to change and that's okay. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't hurt by the fact that part of my family has chosen to disown me. Growing up I was always a good kid, took care of people, and loved my aunts. For some reason they were awesome moms. Not perfect I'm sure, but man they loved their kids and loved being a mom. I wanted that. So yeah, it sucks that I don't feel like I can call one of them up and ask for advice or even just to hear how they're doing. Again...it is what it is.
I put my feelings aside and emailed my aunts and cousins to let them know what I had. I told them that it was serious, that I would most likely be put on the liver transplant waiting list, and gave them links to places where they could read more and even request a free anonymous test.
My mom called my dad the following day. No one called me. Nor emailed me. So much for family. You'd think they could put aside their differences long enough to let me know they're thinking of me. That no matter what they love me, even if they disagree with my choices as an adult. I can't say that I'll update them. If they cared enough they would've let me know. Since they don't, cest la vie.
That's my mom. I don't expect her to change and that's okay. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't hurt by the fact that part of my family has chosen to disown me. Growing up I was always a good kid, took care of people, and loved my aunts. For some reason they were awesome moms. Not perfect I'm sure, but man they loved their kids and loved being a mom. I wanted that. So yeah, it sucks that I don't feel like I can call one of them up and ask for advice or even just to hear how they're doing. Again...it is what it is.
I put my feelings aside and emailed my aunts and cousins to let them know what I had. I told them that it was serious, that I would most likely be put on the liver transplant waiting list, and gave them links to places where they could read more and even request a free anonymous test.
My mom called my dad the following day. No one called me. Nor emailed me. So much for family. You'd think they could put aside their differences long enough to let me know they're thinking of me. That no matter what they love me, even if they disagree with my choices as an adult. I can't say that I'll update them. If they cared enough they would've let me know. Since they don't, cest la vie.
Seriously
I tried "warning" the GI dept. about my A1AD so that the Nurse Practioner I was seeing could read up on it, yet it fell on deaf ears. They just assured me that if she didn't know about A1AD she would ask the doctors. And I'm seeing her why? Blah. So my appt. rolls around and I go in to see NP B. She's got a bad attitude from the start, yet I don't care...I'm just hoping she's gonna surprise me and tell me what the next step is in finding out how bad my liver is. Instead when I tell her I have A1AD she tells me, "That's a lung disease. We don't treat the lungs. You'll have to see a Pulmonologist instead." Oh yeah...here we go. I correct her and explain that A1AD can indeed affect the liver. She agrees but has to put a little "but that's EXTREMELY rare" on the end of it. Not really and does it matter? I mean if you have a patient that is A1AD, has had elevated liver enzymes for over a year, has an enlarged liver, and has tested negative for all the obvious diseases that cause liver damage does it matter if the only thing that makes sense is rare? I may be the only case she sees yet that won't change that if the Alpha-1 is causing this that it is what it is. I digress.
The moronic statements continues as she asks me about heartburn/GERD and what I'm taking for it. When she asks if I take the Prilosec w/food I tell her "No. I don't have an appetite in the morning anymore. Been that way for at least a couple of months and that's not like me." She launches into a dramatic, somewhat freaked out lecture about how I HAVE to eat. Uh...yeah, I would, if I wear hungry and not nauseous. The next words out of her mouth still have me angry and shocked. "How long have you been anorexic for?" Seriously. I was dumbfounded. First, I wear a size 8--sometimes a 6 if I go to Old Navy (love that)--and weigh roughly 135. Second, when I was in high school I had a nasty rumor spread about me that I was anorexic because I weighed 98 lbs. and the girl didn't like me. I wasn't anorexic then (I had a kickass metabolism and was very, very active) and I sure as hell am not anorexic now. The only words I could form were, "Excuse me?" and she sighed heavily and said, "Okay fine then...how long have you been without an appetite." NP B. is a real gem, I tell ya what. I later asked my dad (a nurse) if anorexic has a different clinical term that I didn't know about. He said it means not taking in proper nutrition to sustain life. Still not connecting me not having an appetite in the morning to not sustaining my life. I've tried, there are no dots.
Then NP B. had to say over and over again about how she didn't have ANY of my records and therefore couldn't do ANYTHING for me. No matter how many times I explained that my blood tests and CT scans were all done at either the hospital or the actual clinic I was sitting in at that very moment, she refused to hear me. Other doctors from the same clinic had accessed my records as had docs from outside the clinic. They had no problems. Yet I guess this was too much for NP B. to handle. She did give me a "physical" though. Lasted all of 2 mins. I think. The woman barely pushed on my side and proclaimed that she "couldn't even feel" my liver. Again, funny given that two other doctors felt my liver quite easily although they did push harder. Maybe that was the issue. (insert sarcastic smiley here)
I told NP B. that I was extremely exhausted, had quite a bit of pain and uncomfortableness in my right side, was very bloated, and had "brain fog." Her diagnosis? Unrelated to my liver. Remember, according to her there was nothing wrong with my liver as the ONE test result she could access wasn't high enough for her (but it was indeed elevated) and she couldn't feel my liver. The bloating? Oh that's from dairy. Ya know, that 1 cup of cappuccino a day I drink...yeah, that's it. Or my medicine that I've been on for over a year and never had bloating like this. Totally! No way is it because my liver is failing. The rest of the symptoms she had no answer for yet assured me she didn't think they were caused by my liver.
Taken from the American Liver Foundation website: "Alpha-1 may also appear in late childhood or adulthood and be detected because of fatigue, poor appetite, swelling of the abdomen and legs or abnormal liver tests." Now call me an idiot but why is it that I know more about liver failure than a GI Nurse Practioner? One of the other major symptoms is diarrhea. TMI folks, yet this was one of my very first symptoms that started two years ago. The GI folks think/thought it was IBS despite not having any issues before and it starting suddenly. I've also been having the big "d" again although I've been on medicine for it for a year and a half. I gotta think it's not a good sign.
NP B. did tell me to up my medicine (Questran) after she looked at my eyes. I had my dad look at them and he said there was a bit of jaundice there. Questran is commonly prescribed for jaundice (I was put on it to control "d" after my gall bladder surgery), so we can only assume that if I wasn't on it then I would be as yellow as the sun. I don't have any plans to see if this is true, though. Other than that, she said she'd look over my test results and then call me to go get more labwork done. Total.Waste.Of.Time.
Friday I called to see what I could do to get an appt. with an actual doctor. One who is, coincidentally enough, both a GI and a Hepatologist (liver specialist). Turns out NP B. already spoke with him after my appt. last week. No word on what was said or what, if anything, the plan is for me. Instead I got to find out that Dr. H. is booked until Sept. I practically begged the girl stating that I am getting worse and don't think it would be smart for me to wait that long. She was very sweet and put in an email to Dr. H. in hopes that he'll squeeze me in soon. I guess we'll see how it goes.
I don't think I posted about my follow-up visit w/Dr. B. I actually saw his PA whom I like. I am considered G6PD (Glucose-6 Phosphate Dehydrogenase) Deficient. They want me to start taking Sulfasalazine and try taking the Gabapentin again--though not at the same time. We need to watch for side effects. With the G6PDD there is a chance I could be thrown into Hemolytic Anemia. That would be bad. So I have standing orders for routine blood tests to monitor me. Hopefully this will help my achy joints/muscles with no allergic reactions and/or side effects. The PA tried to pin Dr. B. down for a diagnosis for me yet he said he wasn't ready to "pigeonhole" me just yet. :oD Irregardless he does think I have either Undifferentiated Spondylarthropy and/or Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disorder. Arthritis...that's all I know. I haven't started the Sulfasalazine yet as I want Ryan to be home w/me in case I have a bad reaction to it. Plus this weekend was so crazy that I didn't want to take it and end up w/horrible stomach cramps, bad "d," or whatever. Hopefully I can try it out on Tues. I would love to be off the Percocet w/all the liver stuff. I'm still at 1 to 1 1/2 pills a day, which is really good considering, yet I've noticed that I'm almost having to take the 1 1/2 pills a day instead of half to one. I don't like it. I know the docs would be "oh seriously, that's nothing!" but I don't like it. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do, I know. And I wouldn't take them if it didn't feel like my freaking legs were being beaten.
I am so ready for some good health.
The moronic statements continues as she asks me about heartburn/GERD and what I'm taking for it. When she asks if I take the Prilosec w/food I tell her "No. I don't have an appetite in the morning anymore. Been that way for at least a couple of months and that's not like me." She launches into a dramatic, somewhat freaked out lecture about how I HAVE to eat. Uh...yeah, I would, if I wear hungry and not nauseous. The next words out of her mouth still have me angry and shocked. "How long have you been anorexic for?" Seriously. I was dumbfounded. First, I wear a size 8--sometimes a 6 if I go to Old Navy (love that)--and weigh roughly 135. Second, when I was in high school I had a nasty rumor spread about me that I was anorexic because I weighed 98 lbs. and the girl didn't like me. I wasn't anorexic then (I had a kickass metabolism and was very, very active) and I sure as hell am not anorexic now. The only words I could form were, "Excuse me?" and she sighed heavily and said, "Okay fine then...how long have you been without an appetite." NP B. is a real gem, I tell ya what. I later asked my dad (a nurse) if anorexic has a different clinical term that I didn't know about. He said it means not taking in proper nutrition to sustain life. Still not connecting me not having an appetite in the morning to not sustaining my life. I've tried, there are no dots.
Then NP B. had to say over and over again about how she didn't have ANY of my records and therefore couldn't do ANYTHING for me. No matter how many times I explained that my blood tests and CT scans were all done at either the hospital or the actual clinic I was sitting in at that very moment, she refused to hear me. Other doctors from the same clinic had accessed my records as had docs from outside the clinic. They had no problems. Yet I guess this was too much for NP B. to handle. She did give me a "physical" though. Lasted all of 2 mins. I think. The woman barely pushed on my side and proclaimed that she "couldn't even feel" my liver. Again, funny given that two other doctors felt my liver quite easily although they did push harder. Maybe that was the issue. (insert sarcastic smiley here)
I told NP B. that I was extremely exhausted, had quite a bit of pain and uncomfortableness in my right side, was very bloated, and had "brain fog." Her diagnosis? Unrelated to my liver. Remember, according to her there was nothing wrong with my liver as the ONE test result she could access wasn't high enough for her (but it was indeed elevated) and she couldn't feel my liver. The bloating? Oh that's from dairy. Ya know, that 1 cup of cappuccino a day I drink...yeah, that's it. Or my medicine that I've been on for over a year and never had bloating like this. Totally! No way is it because my liver is failing. The rest of the symptoms she had no answer for yet assured me she didn't think they were caused by my liver.
Taken from the American Liver Foundation website: "Alpha-1 may also appear in late childhood or adulthood and be detected because of fatigue, poor appetite, swelling of the abdomen and legs or abnormal liver tests." Now call me an idiot but why is it that I know more about liver failure than a GI Nurse Practioner? One of the other major symptoms is diarrhea. TMI folks, yet this was one of my very first symptoms that started two years ago. The GI folks think/thought it was IBS despite not having any issues before and it starting suddenly. I've also been having the big "d" again although I've been on medicine for it for a year and a half. I gotta think it's not a good sign.
NP B. did tell me to up my medicine (Questran) after she looked at my eyes. I had my dad look at them and he said there was a bit of jaundice there. Questran is commonly prescribed for jaundice (I was put on it to control "d" after my gall bladder surgery), so we can only assume that if I wasn't on it then I would be as yellow as the sun. I don't have any plans to see if this is true, though. Other than that, she said she'd look over my test results and then call me to go get more labwork done. Total.Waste.Of.Time.
Friday I called to see what I could do to get an appt. with an actual doctor. One who is, coincidentally enough, both a GI and a Hepatologist (liver specialist). Turns out NP B. already spoke with him after my appt. last week. No word on what was said or what, if anything, the plan is for me. Instead I got to find out that Dr. H. is booked until Sept. I practically begged the girl stating that I am getting worse and don't think it would be smart for me to wait that long. She was very sweet and put in an email to Dr. H. in hopes that he'll squeeze me in soon. I guess we'll see how it goes.
I don't think I posted about my follow-up visit w/Dr. B. I actually saw his PA whom I like. I am considered G6PD (Glucose-6 Phosphate Dehydrogenase) Deficient. They want me to start taking Sulfasalazine and try taking the Gabapentin again--though not at the same time. We need to watch for side effects. With the G6PDD there is a chance I could be thrown into Hemolytic Anemia. That would be bad. So I have standing orders for routine blood tests to monitor me. Hopefully this will help my achy joints/muscles with no allergic reactions and/or side effects. The PA tried to pin Dr. B. down for a diagnosis for me yet he said he wasn't ready to "pigeonhole" me just yet. :oD Irregardless he does think I have either Undifferentiated Spondylarthropy and/or Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disorder. Arthritis...that's all I know. I haven't started the Sulfasalazine yet as I want Ryan to be home w/me in case I have a bad reaction to it. Plus this weekend was so crazy that I didn't want to take it and end up w/horrible stomach cramps, bad "d," or whatever. Hopefully I can try it out on Tues. I would love to be off the Percocet w/all the liver stuff. I'm still at 1 to 1 1/2 pills a day, which is really good considering, yet I've noticed that I'm almost having to take the 1 1/2 pills a day instead of half to one. I don't like it. I know the docs would be "oh seriously, that's nothing!" but I don't like it. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do, I know. And I wouldn't take them if it didn't feel like my freaking legs were being beaten.
I am so ready for some good health.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Answers
I gave in and called Dr. R's nurse on Fri. and explained that DH had gotten job offers in two completely different cities (more on that in a bit), so finding out my test results would be muy helpful if possible. She promised to call and check on them, yet I heard nothing. Thing is, she did call me that Fri.--she just called my business line and when I saw the answering machine light blinking I thought it was another client that had called. I listened to the message on Sun. and the nurse had said she tried to get the results but that they weren't ready yet. I was given the dates of Mon. or Tues.
Patiently I waited all day Mon. and resisted the urge to call and bug them again. By late morning today I couldn't handle it and I called. Dr. R called me back--I knew the answer then. She said my Alpha-1 level was very low (mine was at 71, normal is 100-200) and advised me not to smoke and definitely stay away from second-hand smoke. At this point I got a little panicked as she hadn't told me what my genotype was and didn't sound like she had the results, so I asked if there were any results that read "ZZ" or "MM" or something like that. "Oh..." she said, pausing, "Yes...M1Z. I think...wait, maybe it's 'MM.' No, that's normal. Yes, you're an 'M1Z'." I was a little shocked I guess. Part of me figured this would be another dead-end despite all my "surety's" and symptoms and blood test results. Still, I gathered my wits enough to ask that Dr. R make a copy of the paperwork for me and leave it at the front desk. She happily agreed and stated that I probably knew more about this then she did. She's probably right--no offense to her but A1AD is rare and most docs don't know much about it.
Immediately I delved into the internet reading as much as I could. I also called Ryan and left a message for him to call me as I had my test results back. Turns out the MZ gene makes me a "carrier"--obvious, right? There are more cases of liver issues w/the MZ than lung, however both can be affected, though rarely both of them together. M = normal gene, Z = severely low gene. Half 'n Half baby! Either way, not good but it could be worse. Null/Null is really shitty, while ZZ is just a step above it. Interesting stuff I'm telling ya!
Anyways...I have no doubt that the GI doc I'll see next week will be clueless about A1AD. I am seriously thinking about calling there and finding out if this doc knows anything about it because if she doesn't, it won't be worth the money. Of course the other part of me knows that this is some serious shit right now and the fact that I'm getting worse instead of better means I need to get the liver stuff figured out like yesterday. I am so bloated I look pregnant. This is a sign of cirrhosis. I have others too. I also found out that a medicine I am on is commonly prescribed for jaundice, so it's very possible that if I weren't taking this med I would be yellow. Not sure if the med is masking it, or if I don't have it. Another question for the GI doc. I am becoming more and more fatigued. Everytime I think I can't get any more worn out than I already am...BAM...it happens. I'm sure more restful sleep would help yet I have a helluva time falling asleep these days. Not that it matters. I could go to bed at 10 p.m. and wake up at 9 a.m. and still feel like I hadn't slept at all.
The job thing...DH was offered another position at the same company, only in Portland. There is also a job opening (same company) for the position he's in now in New Hampshire. We discussed the second location and while the city looks beautiful and we'd be close to Boston and places like New York, we're just not sure we'd want to "do" the winters. Plus I'd still be about an hour away from a big hospital. So, we're shooting for Portland. He submitted his resume although he's already been told he'll get the job. Now I just have to sell the biz, we have to sell the house, buy one up there, and do it all before school starts!! NO PRESSURE! Honestly, we're stoked though. Not looking forward to the process of it all, yet now my dad can have a true pick of jobs, DH can get into one that he's been interested in for awhile, I can be near a big hospital, and the kids will be closer to the coast (that they adore), OMSI, the zoo, etc. and so forth! Plus, w/the salary boost I won't have to work. The plan is for me to breed our dog if her health is fit for it (hips, eyes, and heart), keep one of her pups, and if that pup passes the health stuff when she is 2, then breed her as well. Otherwise, it's taking care of myself!! I am most likely facing a transplant, possibly soon, maybe later so I need to get in shape for whatever life throws at me.
The answer to my question as to what's wrong with me sucks...but it's an answer...and now I can move forward with doing what needs to be done to stay around for awhile.
Patiently I waited all day Mon. and resisted the urge to call and bug them again. By late morning today I couldn't handle it and I called. Dr. R called me back--I knew the answer then. She said my Alpha-1 level was very low (mine was at 71, normal is 100-200) and advised me not to smoke and definitely stay away from second-hand smoke. At this point I got a little panicked as she hadn't told me what my genotype was and didn't sound like she had the results, so I asked if there were any results that read "ZZ" or "MM" or something like that. "Oh..." she said, pausing, "Yes...M1Z. I think...wait, maybe it's 'MM.' No, that's normal. Yes, you're an 'M1Z'." I was a little shocked I guess. Part of me figured this would be another dead-end despite all my "surety's" and symptoms and blood test results. Still, I gathered my wits enough to ask that Dr. R make a copy of the paperwork for me and leave it at the front desk. She happily agreed and stated that I probably knew more about this then she did. She's probably right--no offense to her but A1AD is rare and most docs don't know much about it.
Immediately I delved into the internet reading as much as I could. I also called Ryan and left a message for him to call me as I had my test results back. Turns out the MZ gene makes me a "carrier"--obvious, right? There are more cases of liver issues w/the MZ than lung, however both can be affected, though rarely both of them together. M = normal gene, Z = severely low gene. Half 'n Half baby! Either way, not good but it could be worse. Null/Null is really shitty, while ZZ is just a step above it. Interesting stuff I'm telling ya!
Anyways...I have no doubt that the GI doc I'll see next week will be clueless about A1AD. I am seriously thinking about calling there and finding out if this doc knows anything about it because if she doesn't, it won't be worth the money. Of course the other part of me knows that this is some serious shit right now and the fact that I'm getting worse instead of better means I need to get the liver stuff figured out like yesterday. I am so bloated I look pregnant. This is a sign of cirrhosis. I have others too. I also found out that a medicine I am on is commonly prescribed for jaundice, so it's very possible that if I weren't taking this med I would be yellow. Not sure if the med is masking it, or if I don't have it. Another question for the GI doc. I am becoming more and more fatigued. Everytime I think I can't get any more worn out than I already am...BAM...it happens. I'm sure more restful sleep would help yet I have a helluva time falling asleep these days. Not that it matters. I could go to bed at 10 p.m. and wake up at 9 a.m. and still feel like I hadn't slept at all.
The job thing...DH was offered another position at the same company, only in Portland. There is also a job opening (same company) for the position he's in now in New Hampshire. We discussed the second location and while the city looks beautiful and we'd be close to Boston and places like New York, we're just not sure we'd want to "do" the winters. Plus I'd still be about an hour away from a big hospital. So, we're shooting for Portland. He submitted his resume although he's already been told he'll get the job. Now I just have to sell the biz, we have to sell the house, buy one up there, and do it all before school starts!! NO PRESSURE! Honestly, we're stoked though. Not looking forward to the process of it all, yet now my dad can have a true pick of jobs, DH can get into one that he's been interested in for awhile, I can be near a big hospital, and the kids will be closer to the coast (that they adore), OMSI, the zoo, etc. and so forth! Plus, w/the salary boost I won't have to work. The plan is for me to breed our dog if her health is fit for it (hips, eyes, and heart), keep one of her pups, and if that pup passes the health stuff when she is 2, then breed her as well. Otherwise, it's taking care of myself!! I am most likely facing a transplant, possibly soon, maybe later so I need to get in shape for whatever life throws at me.
The answer to my question as to what's wrong with me sucks...but it's an answer...and now I can move forward with doing what needs to be done to stay around for awhile.
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